


MetamorphoFitz

by Lalalli



Series: MetamorphoFitz [1]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Comedy, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Fluffy Ending, Friendship, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Humor, Kafka-lite, Romance, Team Dynamics, Teamwork, i have no chill, one year post-Maveth, roach!Fitz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-30
Updated: 2016-01-30
Packaged: 2018-05-17 03:36:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5852521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lalalli/pseuds/Lalalli
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An 084 turns Fitz into a giant roach.  Shenanigans ensue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	MetamorphoFitz

**Author's Note:**

> Shout out to memorizingthedigitsofpi and TheLateNightStoryTeller for helping me kick around ideas!
> 
> Full disclosure: The title came first. This story was just an excuse for me to use a ridiculous pun/portmanteau as a title.

When Mack walked into the lab, carrying the case containing the latest 084, Fitzsimmons were already in the thick of it.

“There’s no shame in it, Fitz!” Jemma assured him. “It’s perfectly natural to be afraid.”

“The only thing I’m afraid of is filthy insects corrupting my pristine workspace!” Fitz retorted, gesturing towards the row of jars containing multiple variations of cockroaches. “Do you remember what happened the last time you brought insects into my lab?”

“It’s _our_ lab, Fitz!” Jemma reminded him, exasperated. “Not _your_ lab!”

Mack set down the metal case onto the lab bench between them with a heavy thump. Fitzsimmons startled and looked at him in surprise, apparently so absorbed in their argument that they didn’t notice him come in.

“One of our units picked up this 084 in St. Vincent and the Grenadines,” Mack told them. “Coulson needs this to be your top priority.”

“Oh! How fascinating!” Jemma exclaimed, smiling brightly. She started gathering the jars of cockroaches. “We’ll just put these on the side for now.”

“Can’t we just toss them and get new ones later?” Fitz complained. “I don’t want them just hanging around the lab for God knows how long.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Fitz,” Jemma scoffed. “There’s no point in wasting perfectly good specimens!” She turned to carry half the jars to the other side of the lab, elbowing her clipboard, which in turn pushed one of the jars off the lab bench. The glass shattered, setting its occupant free. It immediately scurried towards Fitz.

The scream that left Fitz’s mouth was so high-pitched that it could have been mistaken for a dog whistle if it weren’t within the range of human hearing. Fitz scrambled onto the lab bench, crouching nervously. “Look at what you did, Simmons!”

Mack raised an eyebrow. “You okay there, Turbo?”

“He’s scared of cockroaches,” Jemma explained. “He spent all of Wall-E thinking that the pet roach was the antagonist.”

“I’m not scared!” Fitz protested. “I just think they’re disgusting and unsanitary and they just get in everything and make everything gross...and I resent that they could probably survive a nuclear apocalypse, okay? They’re nasty little buggers, and I just - I don’t trust them!”

Jemma rolled her eyes. “I’m pretty sure it’s gone, Fitz. You can get down from there now.”

Fitz cautiously climbed down. “That’s just what it wants you to think,” he muttered. “And then out of nowhere, it’ll just scurry over your foot and contaminate you with its roach germs.”

“Yes, yes, alright, they’re the ninjas of the Pterygota subclass,” Jemma appeased. “Now help me examine this 084.”

\-----------------------------------

Two hours later, when Coulson and Daisy walked in for an update, Fitzsimmons brought up the holographic image of the internal structure of the 084 and presented what they knew so far. Unfortunately, what they knew so far sounded an awful lot like gibberish. Even more so than usual. In fact, Daisy was fairly certain that all the words they were using could be found in the thesaurus under “I don’t know.”

“The inactive nature of the unknown magnitude of-”

“- the exanimation of abstruse hermetical quantums are quite-”

“You’re talking over each other because you have no idea what it does, aren’t you?” Daisy interrupted.

Fitzsimmons paused and looked at each other. Jemma shrugged.

“‘Fraid so,” Fitz admitted.

Coulson sighed. “Let me know the moment you find something,” he ordered. “Until then, all other projects are suspended.”

\---------------------------------------------------

At four a.m., Coulson awoke to frantic pounding on his door. He opened it to find a flustered Jemma Simmons, wringing her hands.

“Sir. There’s been a…development."

\-----------------------------------------------

Coulson, Daisy, Bobbi, Hunter, Mack, May, and Jemma stood in a circle, making sure to give a wide berth to the human-sized cockroach they surrounded. They watched the roach scurry frantically in circles, trying to escape the lab coat that was draped over its body.

Mack pointed down at the roach. “Is this the same one that escaped yesterday, Doc?”

“No!” Jemma exclaimed immediately, then frowned. “Well, maybe. It depends.”

“What kind of experiments were you carrying out on the roaches?” Hunter asked in horror.

“Nothing! I was just dissecting them for research!” Jemma insisted.

The cockroach let out an unseemly series of shrieks and clicks.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” she told the roach. “Of course I’m not going to dissect you.” She turned to the others. “I didn’t do this - this was the 084. And this…” she gestured towards the roach. “I’m afraid this is Fitz.”

Everyone was quiet for a long moment, absorbing this information.

Coulson was the first to break the silence. He turned to May. “You and Mack-”

May nodded. “Back to the 084 site. Got it.” She and Mack started listing the supplies they would need as they walked out the door.

Bobbi stepped forward. “I’ll help Jemma figure out what happened - see if we can find a way to reverse it.”

“I’ll contact Lincoln,” Hunter volunteered. “See if he can come back from his mission in Calcutta. He might be able to help, too.” He ran out of the lab.

“Daisy-”

“I’ll run a search to see if there have been any similar incidents that could be tracked back to the 084,” Daisy agreed. “I’ll just grab my laptop and be right back.”

Suddenly, a lab coat fell onto Coulson’s head. He and Jemma looked up at the ceiling.

“Fitz! Come down from there!” Jemma called.

Fitz screeched.

“There’s no need to be embarrassed, Fitz. Everyone gets turned into a giant insect at some point!”

Fitz screeched again.

Jemma rolled her eyes. “I meant metaphorically!”

Coulson pulled the lab coat off his head and held it out to Jemma, offering a small smile of sympathy. “I’m going to make some phone calls. Simmons-”

Jemma nodded firmly. “It’s just like any other problem we’ve faced. We’ll solve it.”

Fitz emitted a series of shrill clicks.

Jemma sighed, exasperated, looking up at the ceiling. “It’s called positive thinking! You could stand to be a bit more optimistic, you know.”

\-----------------------------------------

Bobbi eyed Fitz warily as he scuttled up and down the walls, screeching and clicking all the while. “I honestly can’t concentrate when you’re talking so much, Fitz,” she complained. Bobbi turned to Jemma. “What is he even saying?”

“Hmm?” Jemma asked, looking up from the cell samples she took from Fitz. “Oh, mostly just variations of ‘Oh my god, oh my god’, with a few rather inventive curses sprinkled in.”

Fitz rocked violently, trying once again to flip over so he could roll out of his lab coat.

“Honestly, Fitz,” Jemma sighed. “Roach germs contaminating your lab coat should be the least of your worries.”

“Are you kidding?” Daisy asked in disbelief, looking up from her laptop. “That’s what he’s trying to do?” She shook her head and returned to typing. “Fitz, if it bothers you that much, we’ll just get you a fresh one once you’re back to normal,” she offered.

_Shriek. Clickclickclick. Screech. Click._

“Well, if you feel that way, you can certainly - _Oh, Fitz!_ ” Jemma sighed. She walked over to Fitz, who had finally successfully rolled onto his back and was flailing his spindly legs in the air, struggling to flip back over. She reached down and pushed against Fitz’s side until he was able to turn right side up.

Jemma draped the lab coat over him again and perched his safety goggles on his eyes. “There you are. Now stop trying to get out of it,” she said sternly, planting her hands on her hips. “Roach or not, you have to follow lab protocols. Safety first!”

Fitz screeched.

“Yes, yes, I know,” Jemma sighed, turning and walking away. “I’ll wash my hands so as not to contaminate our pristine workspace.”

Just then, Lincoln strode into the lab. “Sorry for the delay - I came as quickly as I…” His voice faltered. “Yup. That is _definitely_ a giant roach.” He stood there, staring at Fitz for a long moment. He folded his arms and tilted his head, scrutinizing Fitz’s bulbous body, his twitching antennae, and his gristly legs. “Logically, I know that’s Fitz,” Lincoln mused, “but every fiber of my being is screaming for me to find a comically giant can of Raid.”

The three women turned to glare at him. Once Lincoln looked appropriately sheepish, Bobbi shook her head, turned back to her computer, and muttered under her breath, “What a noob.”

\-------------------------------------

“Simmons, come look at the results of the DNA analysis,” Bobbi called. “I think we’ve found something.”

Jemma and Daisy joined Bobbi and Lincoln at their computer. Fitz scurried next to Jemma, evidently curious as well.

“Well, my first thought was that since many Inhumans undergo drastic physical transformations, the 084 might induce Terregenesis,” Lincoln explained. “But during that transformation, their DNA structure is completely transformed.”

“Whereas here, Fitz’s original DNA is still present,” Bobbi jumped in. “It’s just that it has been spliced with roach DNA.”

“Okay, so it could be a device that, for some reason, combines DNA of different species,” Jemma suggested. She frowned and furrowed her brow. “But if they’re supposed to be combined, why did Fitz undergo a complete physical transformation? It’s not that he’s half-roach, half-human. He’s just human-sized roach.”

Hunter walked in, still on his phone. “Yup, they’re right here. I’ll let them know.” He stopped in his tracks and scowled. “I’m perfectly capable of passing on a message, thank you very much!” he insisted, indignantly. Hunter rolled his eyes. “Fine! See if I answer your calls again!” He held his phone out to Jemma. “For you,” he muttered sullenly.

Jemma took the phone and held it up to her ear. “Hi Mack! Oh, really? Fascinating.” She grabbed a pen and started scribbling furiously on her clipboard. “Huh. How curious!” She laughed. “Okay, see you soon.” Jemma hung up the phone and handed it back to Hunter. She turned to Bobbi and Lincoln. “It seems that in the area surrounding the 084’s location of discovery, there have been reports of creatures that seem to be very similar to birds, but change colors like chameleons. But they also found out that St. Vincent and the Grenadines was not actually where the 084 was discovered - it was actually brought back by a researcher who was studying climate change in the Arctic.”

“The Arctic?” Daisy repeated, perking up. “I did find a report earlier - I didn’t say anything at the time because it didn’t seem related to the 084. No reports of giant roaches, but there have been incidents of people taking on animal attributes - and one of these was a man in the Arctic who just became completely covered in polar bear fur. Everything else about him stayed the same - he just suddenly got a lot hairier.”

“On the bright side, at least he got to save some money on a winter coat,” Hunter joked.

Fitz started pacing across the room, letting out loud and abrasive screeches and clicks.

Hunter held up his hands in surrender. “Whoa, sorry mate - didn’t mean to offend you.”

Jemma nodded slowly, a smile growing on her face. “No - don’t be sorry! You just gave him an idea!” she exclaimed. “He’s suggesting that maybe the device helps organisms adapt to their immediate surroundings. When two organisms are spliced together, it chooses whichever traits will greater benefit its survival.” Jemma turned to the others. “It might explain why Fitz's entire body changed - Fitz might have the superior size and brain, but the roach has the superior body."

Fitz shrieked in protest.

Jemma rolled her eyes. "Obviously, I didn't mean superior aesthetically. Because as a human, you are very physically appealing. Just, well-built and symmetrical and fit and...you have those lovely long fingers...and blue eyes that just make you feel like you're staring into the ocean..." Jemma drifted off, staring at an invisible spot on the wall, lost in thought.

Daisy and Bobbi exchanged smirks. Hunter's forehead wrinkled. "She's a bit of an odd bird, this one, isn't she?" he commented to Lincoln.

Lincoln studied Jemma, glanced at the 084, then turned back to Hunter. "She's still a human."

Hunter rolled his eyes. "What a ponce," he muttered under his breath.

_Click screeeeeech click click click._

Jemma shook herself out of her daze. "Fitz! That's brilliant!" she exclaimed. "And then maybe if we reverse-polarize the-"

_Screech click._

"Exactly!" Jemma nodded once, beaming. She picked up a legal pad and a pen. "Okay, what are we going to need?"

"Mmmhmm," Jemma nodded, hurriedly jotting down a list as Fitz screeched and clicked. "Uh huh. Ooh, what about - oh. I suppose you have a point there. Okay, that should be it." She tore the sheet of paper off the top. "Hunter, I need you and Lincoln to get the following. If it's not in the supply room, check the garage. I'm going to stay and work on modifying the 084." She held the list out to Hunter.

Hunter reached forward to take the paper from her, but Jemma, apparently thinking better of it, turned and gave it to Lincoln instead.

"Hey!" Hunter protested. "I can hold on to a bloody list!"

Jemma, already absorbed in her work, waved him off flippantly. "Oh, Hunter, I just didn't want to put too much on your plate."

“Bobbi! Tell Simmons I can hold on to a list!”

“Hunter can hold on to a list,” Bobbi recited in a flat voice. She paused. “Actually, remember the second month we were married and I sent you to the grocery store to get me Midol and ice cream but you were afraid you would forget so I wrote it down for you and you lost the list anyways and came back with eight bags of groceries but no Midol or ice cream?”

“I brought you Tylenol,” Hunter muttered. “Ungrateful harpy.”

Bobbi narrowed her eyes at him. “Hunter, remember that thing you wanted to try?”

Hunter looked at her worriedly, already knowing what was coming. “Come on, Bobs, I was taking the piss…”

“We’re not trying it anymore.”

“Oh, bollocks.” Hunter sighed and rolled his eyes, recognizing that this was an argument he wasn’t going to win. "Alright, Lincoln, Fitz, let's go."

Hunter and Lincoln made it halfway to the door, Fitz scurrying after them, before Jemma absorbed Hunter's words. "Wait. Fitz?" She wrinkled her nose. "What do you need Fitz for?"

Hunter sighed long-sufferingly. "Look, me and Lincoln? We're not geniuses like the two of you. So we might need Fitz to make sure we don't get the wrong stuff. Point us in the right direction and all that."

Jemma worried her bottom lip. "I guess," she acquiesced, still hesitant. "Just...bring him back in one piece, okay?"

"Oh, don't worry," Hunter called back as they left the lab. "I hear roaches can survive a month without their heads!"

\-------------------------------------

Jemma scowled as Daisy's phone vibrated, rattling against the table, for the gazillionth time in the past hour. Daisy looked at her phone and stifled a giggle.

"Who is that?" Jemma asked, trying to keep the irritation out of her voice.

"Lincoln," Daisy said distractedly, texting her reply.

Jemma looked up. "Can you ask him what's taking them so long? They should've been back ages ago!" Honestly, she couldn't believe that Lincoln and Daisy were wasting time sending obviously flirty texts when Fitz was a roach!

Daisy stood up and pocketed her phone. "I think they're having trouble finding some of the supplies. I'll go help them."

Jemma sighed as she watched Daisy practically run out of the lab. "Well, I guess it's just you and me now, Bobbi."

"Mmhmm," Bobbi hummed, texting on her phone as she followed Daisy out the door.

Jemma exhaled, blowing her hair out of her face. "What is going on?"

\--------------------------------

Lincoln placed the last item on the list on Jemma’s lab bench. “That should be it - good luck!” he told her hurriedly before rushing back out.

“Wait!” Jemma called out as Lincoln disappeared down the hall. She pouted. “Oh, bollocks.”

Over the past few hours, Bobbi and Lincoln had been delivering supplies and parts to the lab, one by one as they found them. And while Jemma hadn't necessarily _needed_ them to work on the device that would separate Fitz from the cockroach, she was still miffed that they immediately left after dropping off the parts. It would have been nice to have the company.

The four of them were probably busy having a double date or gossiping about their single friends or coordinating outfits or whatever stupid things people in relationships do to feel superior to people who are single.

Maybe this is why Fitz hasn't tried to pursue a romantic relationship with her, despite the fact that their friendship had grown stronger than ever in the year following the Maveth incident. Apparently, being in a romantic relationship is so distracting that it completely eviscerates one's ability to prioritize.

Jemma nodded to herself. At least _she_ has her priorities straight.

\---------------------------------------------

"What is going on?!" Jemma demanded, eyes wide and fists clenched.

Skye, Hunter, Bobbi, and Lincoln, standing in the middle of the living area and surrounded by cardboard boxes, all turned to look at her guiltily. Daisy hid the camcorder behind her back, while Fitz tried unsuccessfully to burrow under the couch, the cardboard triangle tied to his back preventing him from making any progress.

Jemma supposed the more appropriate question would be “Why is this going on?” She could see perfectly well that what was going on was that Daisy was filming Fitz destroying a miniature cardboard city with a shark fin sticking up on his back.

Jemma had been so happy when she had been able to separate the roach-rat monstrosities she had created to test the device, but that giddiness had disappeared once she found the others. Because evidently, while she had been working diligently in the lab, the others had been working on…

"It's Sharkaroach," Hunter explained helpfully, peeking his head out from where he was hiding behind Bobbi.

Jemma closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths, in and out. When she opened her eyes, she informed the others, very calmly, "I hate you all." She looked at Fitz. "Enjoy being a roach," she told him before turning and stalking back to the lab.

\--------------------------------------------

Coulson could hear the arguing all the way from the other end of the hallway as he sped-walked to lab. "Hey!" he shouted. Jemma, Bobbi, Daisy, and Hunter turned to look at him. "What is this about?"

They all started shouting at once - something about a shark movie?

Coulson shook his head. "Never mind. Listen up!" They all fell quiet. "I just got off the phone with a former colleague - he left SHIELD to work at research facility that closed down last year. Apparently, two years ago, a device similar to the 084 was stolen - it was called the tachyon prototype. He-"

"Tachyons? But those are completely hypothetical particles," Fitz said, walking into the room, his hair damp and fingers pruned from the hour-long shower he had just taken. He stood closely next to Jemma, so that their arms were brushing. Jemma scowled and took a large step to the side, away from him.

Coulson blinked. "Oh." He pointed to Fitz. "You..." Coulson turned to Jemma. “You figured it out?”

"Yup," Fitz confirmed cheerfully. "All better. Thanks to Jemma, here." He looped an arm around Jemma's shoulders and pulled her close.

Jemma shrugged out of his grasp. "Yup, all better," she said sarcastically, through clenched teeth.

Coulson nodded. "Alright then. Carry on."

\----------------------------------

"Hey," Fitz said from Jemma’s doorway. "We're all about to sit down and watch Sharkaroach. You should join us."

Jemma glared at him. "I think I'll pass," she said drily.

Fitz smiled, remembering her earlier words. “Not even to spend time with me? Because, you know, I _am_ back to being physically appealing, with my long fingers, and my blue eyes…”

The expression on Jemma’s face was downright murderous. “Don’t,” she warned.

Fitz sighed and walked into her room. “Don’t be mad,” he pleaded, sitting next to her on her bed. “I’m sorry - I really am. It’s just that at that point, there wasn’t anything any of us could have done to help, so we decided to take a little break. Have a little fun.”

Jemma stood and walked across the room. “And where was my break?” she demanded, turning around to face him. “Where was my fun? I was so worried, Fitz! I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with a roach!”

Fitz rolled his eyes. “Of course you wouldn’t have spent the rest of your life with a _roach_ , Jemma.”

Jemma shook her head. “You don’t understand Fitz! I didn’t want to, but I would’ve if it were you!” She spoke rapidly, her words tumbling over each other like rocks in a landslide. “I mean, I had already started preparations in my head - the way we would’ve had to remodel our cottage in Perthshire so that you could be comfortable, how to pass the adoption screening process with a giant roach in the house, how to-”

Fitz stood and grabbed her hands in his. “I meant you wouldn't have had to spend your life with a roach because I knew you would get me back to normal,” Fitz interrupted, not wanting her to spiral into panic over something that was no longer an issue. He paused, fully processing her words. “Wait. You were making plans for our life together?”

Jemma shrugged. “I mean...well. Yeah. You know I excel at preparation.”

Fitz stared at her. “Even though I was a roach,” he reminded her.

Jemma wrung her hands together. “Well, there would've been certain aspects of our relationship that wouldn't have been feasible...like, um...well. You know. But, yeah. I still wanted the other parts. I just...I wanted a life with you.”

“What about now that I’m human again?” Fitz asked hoarsely.

“Well.” Jemma looked down at the floor. “It rather uncomplicates matters for us, doesn't it?”

“So you still want a life with me?” Fitz asked, his voice full of hope.

Jemma met his eyes. “I want everything with you.”

Fitz and Jemma stared at each other for a long moment, their bodies full of potential energy, ready to spring forward at any moment. Suddenly, Fitz turned and ran out of the room, calling over his shoulder, “Be right back!”

Jemma stayed planted in her spot, frozen in shock. “What. The hell?” she whispered to herself in disbelief.

Before she could shake herself out of the stupor, Fitz returned, carelessly slamming the door behind him as he strode over to Jemma and crashed into her, kissing her forcefully and recklessly. He was everywhere at once - his palm on her cheek, his fingers in her hair, his scent in her nostrils, his arm around her waist, his hand spanning her ribcage, his lips pressed against her lips. Jemma stumbled back a little from the impact, causing Fitz to stumble a little as well, but he caught his footing and tightened his hold on her. Jemma instinctively clutched his shoulders.

Jemma was so shocked that by the time she had the sense to start kissing him back, Fitz pulled away, resting his forehead on hers. “I told the others to start the movie without us,” he told her breathlessly. “I have other plans for tonight.”

Jemma smiled. “Glad to see you have your priorities straight,” she said. And then nothing else was said for a long time, because in that moment, talking was pretty low on their list of priorities.

**Author's Note:**

> How does I science?? I don't knows!!!
> 
> All pseudo-science borrowed quite liberally from The Flash.
> 
> Why yes, this IS my seventh day in a row posting something. I'm getting all Joyce Carol Oates up in heeeeere!
> 
>  


End file.
